Talk:You Are Not Alone/@comment-24712996-20140527215628
This isn't easy for me to talk about, however, since everyone else has so bravely been honest about their experiences with sexual harrassement and contributing to the feminist discussion, I will share a recent encounter I had which still has me slightly shaken up. It was a few months ago when I was on my way home from university always in a rush as usual and I was going to miss my train so I decided to take a taxi to get to the station. Now, my mother always taught me to never ever get in an unsolicited cab, some friends even refuse to go in an ordered taxi by themselves, because of the potential dangers it carries. We've all heard the stories about what happens, how women are take advantage of, and how we should always be on alert. On that particular day though I was in a rush, I just needed to get home to see my mum, so I took a cab parked outside my university. Stupid, I know. I wasn't thinking straight in that moment, I was flustered and panicked. Right from the start, I felt unnerved by the driver. His eyes appraised over me, a leering smile came onto his creepy face, and as soon as I got in the back I had realised what a mistake I had made. In that one moment I feared for my safety, I feared for what lay ahead. You can say that I was being melodramtic, but it's how I felt in the moment, it's how I always feel whenever a man violated my personal space. So I got my phone out and called my best friend. I don't really know why exactly, I just needed reassurance, I wanted to talk to someone to tell them of what was happening. And then the driver went the wrong way. There's only one way to the station and he went in the complete opposite direction. My heart was literally sinking as we passed through tunnels and he turned to alleyways which I had never seen before, I was freaked out and every single time I asked him how long it would take the man would say we'd be there soon. It was like a sinking feeling in my stomach as I realised just how vulnerable I was, I was so scared, I didn't know what to expect. My best friend, the Kim to my Kanye, was on the phone to me the entire time. The cab driver then turned into a practically deserted area as he asked through the gap whether I was still on the phone and I yelled that I was. My bff is pretty used to my weirdness and cautiousness so when I started saying stuff like 'I'll see you in a minute' and 'oh I'm near now so wait for out front' really loudly she was unfazed, it was my way of telling the driver that someone was expecting me, that if he tried anything then he would be the first suspect. And then he got out of that area and after a while took me to my desired destination. I jumped out of the cab and literally ran, I needed to feel safe again. You can judge me for getting into the cab, I knew better than to do that. I was taught better, I'm always the one who is telling my friends to be on alert, so I hated myself for getting in that position. Would he have done anything? I don't know. I get shaken up when I think about it because I remember how I felt - scared, alone and vulnerable. You hear stories about these types of things and in that moment I feared I would become another cautionary tale. I'm always on alert now, I always was. It may seem silly to you, but it was very real to me. If I had not been on the phone then I dread to think what may have happened. And ultimately, whatever the outcome, I would have been blamed for allowing myself to get in that situation. The worst thing is that, if it was any other woman then I would say it was never her fault, but I would blame myself. I hate that so much.